Ever Eat a Pine Tree? Maybe Make Pudding from It?

I always wanted to like Grape Nuts cereal. My mom bought it periodically and it struck me as a very grown up food. Sophisticated, like coffee or wine, but in a bowl. She probably had it on hand for moments when she was trying to lose weight after succumbing to ads like these:

Used as I was to the simple satisfactions of Cheerios, Rice Crispies, and the occasional glorious bowl of Honeycombs, I always served myself too much, dousing the heap with plenty of milk, and then staring at it for minutes, willing it into submission. Maybe this time it would taste good. Maybe if I let it soak long enough it would transform.

It never did. 

And because of the volume I'd put in the bowl, my jaw would invariably be sore by the time I forced myself to finish it. Not that I heaped it in. I knew better than that. But I used quantities similar to Euell Gibbons' serving in his famous ads, like this one:

"Ever eat a pine tree?"

Euell was an author known for his foraging prowess at a time when natural foods were becoming popular. Post employed him to make a series of ads like this one, stressing the simple ingredients and crunchy texture of the cereal: 

The campaign led to a lot of well-earned jokes about the Grape-Nuts-eating experience. But eventually, the tide turned:

Most cereal boxes of the era were designed for children to read at the breakfast table, featuring games or puzzles, cartoons, or promises of prizes within. So General Foods should have known better, because kids were apparently lured into the great outdoors to chew on yews, choke on cat tails, and nibble sand. I acknowledge being susceptible to this messaging myself, as you can see from this post.

Of course Grape Nuts had been around for a long time before Euell was invited to the party. Here's an early ad, which has a phrase or two that trouble me:

"Pre-digested?" 

How does that work? Were/are there humans in the factory eating the cereal dough, letting it macerate for a few hours, and then regurgitating it for baking? Blergh.

Grape Nuts was big on science:

A compelling ad, if perhaps a bit homoerotic. 

Back to my original point. 

I kept trying to like Grape Nuts, and I kept failing. Even into adulthood, I'd buy a box once in a while, and play the pour and wait trick. And I never enjoyed it. I've come to realize it's like that thing where you're standing on the edge of the subway tracks telling yourself not to step over, but feeling like maybe you should.

RESIST THAT VOICE!

My hubby's grandmother used to make pudding out of the stuff, so perhaps using it as an ingredient improves the eating experience:

Grape Nuts ice cream is apparently also a thing, though savory uses seem to make more sense in my culinary imagination.

As I type this, I'm realizing I might finally be over the "hey, maybe you'll like them now" compulsion. Perhaps I had to get nearly as old as Euell Gibbons to realize I don't actually have to enjoy Grape Nuts, regardless of it's healthful powers.

POWers.

(POWers. See what I did there?)

Do YOU like Grape Nuts? Drop me a comment below and tell me more.