Aprons. Because No One Wants Cream of Mushroom on Their Pinstripe Trousers

 

Cooking is messy business. This guy knows it. You know it. I know it.

There's not always time for a man to change before supper, and guests arrive whether you want them to or not. Men have two options: risk your good slacks, or put on a gol darn apron. 

According to the container ad above, beer helps ease the shame of apron wearing. (Assuming you can figure out how to get the can open.) 

Some guys aren't into beer. Luckily, Don Draper brought back the glam of cocktails.

LOL, Galliano! I see what you did there!

Julia Child showed us the joys of cooking with wine, and this guy definitely got the memo: 

Not everyone drinks, so this little wifey is ready with an alternative.

Supportive wives are such treasures. They'll even help you tie your apron if you can't quite work out the process.

The wife below looks ready to giggle at hubby's carrot skills.

His trousers might be protected, but pants aren't the only things at risk of smears when men man the stove. This kitchen is a MESS: 

His wife should have tasked him with something significantly less complicated. Smart women start them simple.

Once your man has mastered "just add milk" cooking, he might be ready for actual recipes. In which case, have I got a cookbook for you!

This guy is ready. 

Wine? 

Check. 

BBQ tools? 

Check. 

Tactical apron? 

Check. 

The illustrations in the book are... exceptional. Here's one example:

The dude is salting a rotisserie apple and playing his belly like a drum with a wooden spoon. 

EVERY

WIFE'S

DREAM!

While not wearing an apron per se, he's covering what needs to be covered after making time to take off his trousers.

Let's all take a moment to recognize that aprons are a national treasure. Though in this case, fig leaves should probably get an honorable mention.

National Cheese Pizza Day Take 2

All right, so I'm not quite over National Cheese Pizza Day. I'm declaring it a week right here from my little corner of Massachusetts.

Today's version doesn't include hot dogs, which may relieve you. It comes from Betty Crocker's 1967 New Outdoor Cookbook (reprinted in 1973.)

Here's the title page, which includes an illustration of a groovy patio that I'd like to own some day.

And here's a photo of the finished result.

  

It looks pretty amazing, doesn't it? Reminds me of the grilled pizza fad from the last few years. Plus it looks like simple, classic, "real Italian" pizza, the kind I imagine enjoying in an osteria in Naples.

Sadly, looks can be deceiving. Take a peek at the recipe and you'll see what I mean.

Yep, you read it right. Catsup. Or Ketchup, if you prefer.

And bisquit mix. Again.

The page itself is bumpy and dimpled from some sort of exposure to water. Perhaps it was left open on a picnic table in the rain, while Mom fried bacon for Squaw Corn. Or perhaps they are the marks of tears, shed from a heart that yearns for cheese pizza.

Real cheese pizza.

Switched at Birth. Or at Least at Editing.

It's BOGO Monday, though you may feel a bit gypped by this set.

Orange Date Dumplings

Orange Date Rolls

Near as I can figure, there are only two differences between these recipes:

1) The first uses homemade Bisquick rather than listing the biscuit ingredients.
2) The second produces a much more substantial amount of syrup.

Item 2 leads me to believe that the recipes were switched at birth. The "Orange Date Rolls" which include about a cup of syrup must actually be the dumplings.

And vice versa.

Can't pull a sweater over MY face. Oh no you can't.

Happy Father's Day: Dad Cooks Out!

The main reason I'm including this recipe is the nifty illustration at the top of the page.

Doesn't this look just like your dad when he's grilling? It sure looks like mine.

The Hearty Green Bean-Sausage Casserole doesn't seem exactly like a cookout dish, but whatever. It was right below the picture of your dad, so be quiet.

It's probably a good idea that they didn't include a picture of the dish itself. Consider the combination of sausage, tomatoes, and green beans in a gravy base. Gordon Ramsay might say it looks like a dogs dinner, which is more polite than the comparison I would have used.

Despite the potential appearance, let's not be hasty. It may well be delicious.

Ask your dad to make it at the next family cookout. But maybe he should lose the pipe.

Hearty Green Bean-Sausage Casserole

Tomatoes and green beans add garden-fresh flavor and appealing color to this tempting supper dish.

1 lb. bulk pork sausage

1 cup sliced onion

3 to 4 tbs. unsifted Gold Medal Flour

2 1/2 cups cooked tomatoes (1 lb. 4-oz. can)

2 cups cooked fresh green beans

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. pepper

Biscuit Topping (below)

Heat oven to 425 degrees (hot). Brown sausage and onion over low heat. (Break up sausage with fork.) Drain off excess fat. Stir in flour; stir in vegetables and seasonings. Bring to a boil. Pour into 2-qt. baking dish. Immediately top with Biscuit Topping. Bake 20 min. 6 to 8 servings.

Biscuit Topping: Add 1/3 cup milk all at once to 1 cup Bisquick. Beat hard 20 strokes; knead 8 to 10 times. Roll into 9" circle; cut in 8 wedges.

Pinwheel Casserole

This recipe comes from the August 1950 issue of Women's Home Companion magazine. The thing that intrigues me most is the veiled advertisement for MSG.

Use of canned and other prepared ingredients is also interesting.

Might be fun to do an updated version of this one.

Pinwheel Casserole

Condensed cream of celery soup, 1 can
Milk, 2/3 cup or half evaporated milk and half water
Cooked vegetables, 3 cups mixed (lima beans, carrots and peas, or green beans)
Monosodium glutamate*, 1/8 teaspoon
Prepared biscuit mix, 1/14 cups
Milk, 1/3 cup or half evaporated milk and half water
Pimento, chopped, 2 tablespoons
Cheese, American Process, grated, ½ cup (2 ounces)

Combine soup and 2/3 cup milk in 1 ½ quart saucepan. Bring to boil, stirring until smooth. Add vegetables and monosodium glutamate. Pour into shallow baking dish (6 x 10 inches); place in hot oven 425° and heat until bubbly before adding pinwheels. While this heats combine biscuit mix and milk, stir just enough to blend. Turn out on lightly floured board and knead lightly a few times. Roll into rectangle about 8 by 12 inches. Sprinkle with pimiento and cheese. Starting with long side, roll up jelly-roll fashion; cut into 16 slices. Arrange sliced-side down on top of vegetable mixture. Bake in hot oven 425 for 20 to 30 minutes until pinwheels are well browned. Makes 6 servings.

*This unique seasoning (see it on your grocer’s shelf) enhances and blends food flavors. Try it too when cooking vegetables solo: a dash added to the water in which they’re cooked brings out the best in them.