For several years I threw a Halloween party with my ex. We were young back then, so the focus was primarily on beer, but I did my best to offer snacks sufficient to the task of soaking up alcohol. At one party, a guest wisely crashed at our house rather than driving home. He was quite ill the next day, and told his wife he'd been poisoned by our fish balls.
Reader, no such balls were served.
Weenies were part of the menu, though they were miniature and simmered in a vat of barbecue sauce. By the time the parties were over, they'd undergone some sort of unfortunate alchemy, shrinking and toughening until they were mere hardened nubbins of their former glorious selves.
I came across the image above, which offers festive alternatives to the saucy piggies I served back then. And I have questions.
There's a lot to unpack here, so let's break it down into components. First, the menu.
Initially it seems pretty straightforward. Harmless even. But why the ALL CAPS demand for skinlessness? And how does one create Jack O'Lantern carrots? And do we really need doughnuts AND Sherbet AND cake?
Not to mention, WHAT ABOUT KETCHUP?
Moving on, let's talk about decor.
How does one attach a carrot tip to a hot dog? And is shoe polish food safe? And are those the Jack O'Lantern carrots of previous mention?
Next up, the ghost.
While I commend the creature for offering assembly instructions, the notes are missing a few key details. Do you cut a hole in the napkin? What do you tie it with? What are the arms made of? Is the ghost talking on the phone?
And finally, this creature:
"Red Hot Goblin" sounds like either a band name or the title of an extremely blue movie, but at least we know what the creature's arms are made of.
It's been a wild week with lab monkeys escaping from crashed trucks, and people arguing about whether it's better to give out candy or actual food. But I have to admit that taping little masks on wieners was not something I expected to consider as a party activity.
Whether you give it a try or not, I wish you a BOOtiful Halloween!
